I wanna be the Pro!

Creator: jujumas

Average Rating
0.5 / 10
Average Difficulty
99.7 / 100
[Download Not Available]

Tags:

Needle (1)

Screenshots

  • by Klazen108
  • by Klazen108
  • by Xplayerlol

3 Reviews:

Xplayerlol
[Uncleared]
Ten screens of somewhat progressive difficulty, starts out mediocre, becomes absolute trash later on, and then sinks below the "absolute trash" category once you reach the last screen.

- First screen is corridor platforming with beginner-friendly needle. I don't mind it, some people would already call this game bad upon seeing it.
- Second screen raised the difficulty cap a bit. Relatively more advanced platforming that would rank somewhere between the later 20s and the first 30s in difficulty, the first two saves are needle and the last is a short segment of moving obstacles.
- Third screen raises the difficulty cap a bit further. Fast moving obstacles and a few harder needle jumps (Namely diamonds) are the core of this part of the game. It's alright.
- The fourth screen is where you begin to realize that something is dangerously wrong with this game. The second save has a trickier jump in the middle of it that is quite a bit harder than anything that came before it (Should be a 40 difficulty, or something like that), and then the last save just bumps the difficulty by an unthinkable percentage with a dumb precise segment of moving cherries where each cherry moves in a random direction upon spawning (If it moves horizontally, it could spawn moving left or right, and if it moves vertically it could spawn moving up or down), and you need at least 8 of these cherries to follow a specific setup. Honestly, I got said decent setup two or three times within two hours, so there is some room for mistake, but it's still a disgusting segment nevertheless. Depending on your standards, this could rank anywhere between 60 and 80 difficulty, with one of the worst sources of difficulty fangames have to offer: Pure luck.
- The fifth screen is a horrendous, surreal experience. It's a massive drop where you're given low-gravity from the start. Later segments of it are decently precise, and the screen scrolling over and over makes it much easier for you to fuck up, not to mention how tedious this segment is due to its length. It's hard to describe how it feels to play this section, so just think of something ten times worse than the description I'm giving you, and maybe you thought of something close to it. Makes me wonder if playing the Brute of a Man tower feels anything like this.

From this point on, my source of knowledge is my buddy decompiler. The maker doesn't seem to mind decompilers (And even encouraged its use), so I don't feel guilty at all. I never got past the fifth screen, and upon checking the later screens, I'm glad I didn't bother.
Side note: Further analysis of the fifth screen indicates that the drop has the size of about 18 normal fangame screens. Imagine doing that in low gravity.

- The sixth screen consists of much more advanced needle. The first save is the hardest, ending with a downwards plane. It's nothing that more skilled needle players can't tackle, but it is clearly harder than the previous needle sections (If you don't think of the fifth screen as needle). It's also a clear display of generic needle. Maybe imagining Lovegood's needle will give you an idea of what this screen is like. The last save is laughably easy, but it foreshadows something horrible.
- The seventh screen is MORE advanced needle, even harder than the previous one. The first two saves can also be described as "Lovegood needle", if you know it. The third save is a short water corridor surrounded by death blocks. You can think of it as a few water double inverts in a row, but of different heights. The last, again, is a joke compared to the other saves in the screen.
- The eighth screen is weird. Just weird. The first save involves jumping on blocks with spikes slightly shifted to the right on top of them. The second is a triple diamond, but there's a (static) platform that SHOULD make it possible using some weird platform jump magic (Though the execution of said jump is just bizarre due to the platform's positioning). Three one-jump saves follow this thing: A hard drop, a double invert and a triple water invert.
- The ninth screen is a pretty serious needle challenge. Squished jumps, precise drops and a quintuple water invert compose this work of madness. It's seriously hard. It's like the game is telling you to give up.
- The last screen is like the biggest fangame horrors incarnate. It's the unholy, unthinkable, inconceivable sight of the fangame hell. Essentially, it's a single save consisting of a spiral of water and death blocks that forms an absurd sequence of precise inputs, namely chain cancels required for a bunch of water inverts (A sequence of 19, another of 21, another of 18 and one more of 11), as well as some dangerous drops that require frame-perfect timing and why am I even wasting my time explaining this save, that thing is clearly well beyond humanly possible, and no one will ever beat it legitimately. I can only imagine someone playing this up to the last screen, thinking that they are so close, only to find this abomination. It's a cruel joke. It's just cruel. Looking at it is looking at a torture device: Just the sight of it already inflicts pain.

Assuming the eighth screen isn't literally impossible, the last is humanly impossible anyway, so...blergh. This seriously makes me smile upon seeing steak games and happil clones. None of them will ever come close to disgusting me as much as this does.

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Tagged as: Needle
[9] Likes
Rating: 0.0 0       Difficulty: 100 100
Sep 20, 2017
JujuMas
Incredibly shitty unplayable game made by myself. Only reason to download this, would be decompiling and laughing at the final screen xD

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[2] Likes
Rating: 1.5 15       Difficulty: 99 99
Feb 26, 2015
infern0man1
I played until the end of screen 4; the last save is a timing segment with several bouncing apples that all move in a different direction every time you restart; I got close to beating it once but choked because I'm great, and after about 30 minutes of more failed attempts and just shit RNG I quit.

Just don't bother with this. It's certainly doable to some extent, but you better not fuck up when you're given the window else you probably won't be given the window again for another year or so.

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[1] Like
Rating: 0.0 0       Difficulty: 100 100
May 23, 2016