I wanna be the Christmas Cretin

Creator: Kiyoshi

Average Rating
8.2 / 10
Average Difficulty
81.3 / 100
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Needle (3) Gimmick (3) Christmas (1) Cycle (1)


  • by Kiyoshi
  • by Kiyoshi
  • by Kiyoshi

Creator's Comments:

Kiyoshi [Creator]
I really don't like this game. Every time I think about it I grow more and more disappointed in how it turned out.

Stage 1 has neat ideas but there is so much shit you need to learn and every death feels absolutely terrible. Every jump is harder then the last and it just sucks. Out of the every needle save I've made this is easily the worst that isn't a dumb jtool meme from 2018. I've said in the past that Screen 6 of my Neo Needle Buffet area was the worst thing I made but at least that screen feels like it respects the player. This screen doesn't. It wastes your time by making every jump harder then the last and therefore making the next jump take longer to learn then the last. It's cruel.

Stage 3 I rushed out the day before the deadline and as a result so many jumps feel pointless and unfocused. The second half especially I distain. Every jump is a cool idea but the execution makes it feel so lame to play. I had a third screen for this stage planned involving a giant spinning pinwheel of ladders and 8 or so triggers you had to hit to open the exit, but of course I had to scrap it. I think I designed the save around the idea of having that obstacle at the end, so all the lame jumps would be a bit excusable but since it isn't there the ending just feels so damn abrupt. There is no substance or story to this screen. Its just a long save with ladders. Also I don't like the visuals. They were fun as fuck to create, but a collage of random visuals from Guy doesn't fit the theme at all. There was a perfectly good opportunity to add christmas lights as decorations and I just didn't take it.

Stage 2 is the one screen I do like. I like it quite a lot actually. Its the reason I'm giving this a 6.0 and not a 4.5. I think the concept for the screen is incredibly interesting and all the jumps make good use of it. The ending of the save feels a bit unfocused, but it makes a good choke section so eh. I probably could've gone way farther with the ideas however it might've end up being really annoying like Screen 1 so I'm cool with the way it currently is. Moving on.

My biggest regrets with this whole game is just how god damn hard I ended up making it. Christmas Cretin was made for the 2021 Secret Santa event and my secret santa requested a 75~80 difficulty needle game. There was a sorta-meme in the circles I was in at the time about how Needle Players underrate difficulty whenever they review games so I decided to try and make what I would consider a REAL 80 difficulty game and aimed a bit higher, hoping that it would be offsetted into what the recipient would consider their difficulty range. Combine this with Untitled Needle Game being the hot new release at the time and the prevailing needle-making philosophy of artistic vision being the end all be all and I ended up excusing way too many bad decisions. The person who received this game never even beat the first screen because of how abrasive and annoying to play it was. In fact the only person I know to have actually beaten the game is Verve. Everyone else gave up or didn't want to play it.

I had been interested in creating a 2.0 patch for this game in the past that would smooth the game out, add an easy mode, and possibly add a 4th screen and a boss but honestly I don't care anymore. What I look for and want out of fangames has changed. The Farewell Medley and Wannafest 22 made me realize this. I would rather spend the energy it would take to update this game and spend it something I care about. An Untitled Needle Game-like is the antithesis of what I want to make right now.

I don't know how to end this. Its 2AM for me and I kinda just ranted for the last 2 hours. If you're still interested in playing this then go ahead I guess. I don't have any plan to remove the download link no matter how much I do not like most of this game. Good chance you'll enjoy it more then I do.

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Tagged as: Needle Gimmick Christmas Cycle
[5] Likes
Rating: 6.0 60       Difficulty: 82 82
Sep 22, 2022

4 Reviews:

Three screens of quite learny gimmick needle, each wildly different from the rest. The game's production is consistently decent and varied.
As such gameplay often goes, clearing each screens generally comes shortly after a spike in consistency at the majority of the screen. The jumps themselves are varied enough that the learning phase doesn't feel solely like a consistency grind, with some obstacles almost counting as small puzzles to figure out on their own.
While the difficulty trends upwards throughout the game, it's all in roughly the same range.
Screen 2 is completely unhinged in its concept and somehow manages to keep it together.

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[1] Like
Rating: 9.0 90       Difficulty: 80 80
Jan 6, 2022
Tagged as: Needle Gimmick
[0] Likes
Rating: 9.5 95       Difficulty: 82 82
Nov 12, 2022
Tagged as: Needle Gimmick
[0] Likes
Rating: N/A       Difficulty: N/A
Jan 7, 2022