Delicious FruitLatest Reviews
theTics
For: I wanna be the Tree Needle
For: I wanna be the Tree Needle
Tagged as: Needle
[0] Likes
Rating: 6.0 60
Difficulty: 68 68
Oct 27, 2023
Nemicron
For: I wanna be the Orbit
For: I wanna be the Orbit
dagger& tsuta collab is wonderful.
[0] Likes
Rating: 8.5 85
Difficulty: 68 68
Oct 27, 2023
MooMooArmageddon
For: I wanna be the Fail
For: I wanna be the Fail
EPIC FAIL!
Tagged as: Sudoku
[1] Like
Rating: 7.0 70
Difficulty: 28 28
Oct 27, 2023
Renko97
For: I wanna go the unknown world 2
For: I wanna go the unknown world 2
The maze stage is boring and the puzzle stage without sense. The rest the game is good
[0] Likes
Rating: 6.3 63
Difficulty: 70 70
Oct 27, 2023
ElCochran90
For: I Wanna BE the Tempest
For: I Wanna BE the Tempest
*Cleared on 02/05/2023*
Rating includes extra. Difficulty rating does not include extra (which remains unchanged).
100% “Z” clear.
People unfortunately get cancer, but fangames unfortunately get TEMPEST!
This putrid pile of AIDS-infected rhinoceros’ fecal matter is the virus to my corona, the devil to my religion, the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to my vintage AVGN, the Meet the Spartans to my Sátántangó, the Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code to my Joyce’s Ulysses, the Brokencyde to my Bach, and the M&M's Shell Shocked to my Ocarina of Time. It sucks harder than a vacuum, can cause PTSD and can be used as a tool for forced conversion therapy to suckness.
Absolutely everything is wrong with this humankind abomination, the one and only fangame that Ebert obviously played to not consider fangames “art”. This has to be.
Device / Diverse guy teams up with this other guy, make their homework separately under LSD influence (which can work wonders [I don’t do drugs; I’m speaking on behalf of specific film auteurs]) and vomit their hallucinations in the form of “stages”. Stage 1 is the obligated, mind-numbingly boring standard tilesets, generic traps and awful platforming. You’ll find anything new, except a woeful backtrack for getting to the first secret which involves a screen transition you must quickly react to, or you’re done.
Traps are unfair, and even when you know they’ll happen, they act at the speed of light. Previous knowledge doesn’t help a bit, especially when a platform rams your body against wall spikes at 225 MPH like a McLaren F1 LM. Some traps are cryptic, like take a route, and you’re wrong; take the other one, and you’re also wrong. The red arrows gimmick is annoying, especially when they are used also as traps having a huge size.
Dr. Mario boss is amusing but the fact it can be third-tried at worst makes it clear there is a huge difference between difficulty of bosses and platforming. Nothing appealing about this boss no matter how creative it wanted to come out.
Second stage is way worse: monochromatic metallic bs associated with the original IWBTG’s Mega-Man stage. Lots of dumb traps and “see if there’s an invisible block here”. Game gets you killed after really long saves and the location of the secret is unspeakably idiotic. Remember those walls of spikes that appear in the very first screen of IWBTG? They appear here, and in this God-forsaken save, you have to SHOOT them to make them disappear. Shoot walls of spikes. Yeah. I lost many minutes looking for fake blocks in that corridor needle and when I shot by mere accident, I was stunned at what I had done. There is also this forced red & black design which has a hellish tone to it and might have been ok-ish to explore it more. That’s a no. It’s a single screen with overtly precise triggers and save points in the middle of a fall. Why???
Now, the boss of this horrendous stage surpasses any capacity of my limited proficiency of the English language. You have this cherry in the middle, right? And there’s this gray block in which you have to be constantly on for not falling to your demise, as there’s nothing else in the screen. What to do? Jump on it like water 2 (which is freaking inconsistent for the life of me!!) and shoot it. The cherry also spawns six cherries around in set intervals. Every time you shoot at it, two big cherries go at you, which is fine because you keep moving all the time. All cool, right? No, goddamit, it’s totally not! It’s ten hits in total. Only ten, and sometimes, you can shoot it twice. But when you get to the fifth hit, now eight cherries spawn around, and they way they do so is specifically design to kill the player. The cherries occupy exactly the spot you’re in, and you cannot dodge them that easily because they go diagonally; if you jump ahead of the moving block, you’re still in the angle of the original trajectory, so screw you. If you jump back away from the block and come back to it, you don’t have enough speed to get back to it. Either way it’s game over. This boss took an absurd amount of time and it is so frustrating because it is extremely simple in design and idea, and yet they figured out the most bs way to incorporate it. The hell with this freaking boss!
Third stage, at least this will give us some variety not seen in previous stages and a new song, right? What, did you forget we’re talking about the worst fangame ever made, where Hamster! is a masterpiece compared to this? It’s default tilesets and the Mega-Man 2 theme once again. Now the gimmick is you never stop jumping and have to use your second jumps properly to land and avoid spikes in screens full of traps. You can kiss my banana sprite from Destination’s avoidance.
Then, for no reason, the film transitions to the worst copy of Kill the Guy’s inverted gravity ever, which seems to have a particular obsession with gate jumps. This stage is guaranteed to make you dizzy. The secret’s location is also very cryptic, but anyone familiar with Carnival’s Crimson will get the idea since the way it is obtained is quite uncanny. The boss is an easy first-try Bubble Bobble piece of Dodongo dung where attacks begin to get interesting by the time you kill the little mf dragon.
Fourth stage is the unholy mother of f*ckness and one of the worst experiences of my life. This fourth stage is the main cause of cancer in Japan and unfortunately spread to North America. You begin with a stage that looks like diarrhea with blood. It consists of a simple gimmick: all blocks in the room alternate between normal blocks and death blocks at a given rhythm, with some platforming being the unholiness of f***. The first screen only has spikes, the blocks appear in the second screen. With this logic, be extra careful with the second save of the first screen; it’s located right at the left of a block that begins as a death block when you hit R. This is a softlock, and I’m fairly tagging the game as such. It’s obvious, but also an easy miss if you’re under the stress of finishing the previous save and saving quickly. This is quite deep into the game, so softlocking here would be absolute pain.
Now, after this, you go with the green part of the stage. This is hell. Alighieri never envisioned something like this in all of his Circles of Hell. This green hell, more disturbing than Soylent Green (1973, watch that film) has the worst doable secret of all times: the green-spike-hell brown platform tourist ride. The number of problems with this secret is agonizingly high. Right at the first time you reach the top, the platform does not handle like it normally does in standard engines. Picture this: What do you do if there’s a sea of spikes beneath you and there’s a bunch of brown platforms ahead of you stuck in a ceiling? It’s smashing time, right? The platforms have this peculiar (and amusing) property. Not here, no uh. Here, the platforms can get you stuck in the ceiling, so if you ever think of smashing your character when the platform is at the top, it is literally you signing a contract for getting stuck on the ceiling. The maneuvering this section requires is dumbass. The entire stage, including this secret, has GB-like platforms (meaning that if you land on the platform exactly when it is over a spike in the same pixel, the collision prioritizes the spike instead of the platform). This screws up the entire freaking save. Even if you see a video of it, constructing the memory for knowing exactly at which points of the platform you have to stand for the numerous 16px spaces the platform will make you travel through is more agonizing than studying for a final test of Advanced Microeconomics (I know). Finally, when the platform reaches the end, it doesn’t take you to the 32X32 space where the Green Game Boy is, nooooooooo, it goes the opposite way on the previous block, so you have to stand on the very edge after many intricate jumps while taking care of NOT LANDING ON SPIKES EVEN IF YOU’RE ON THE F*CKING PLATFORM, go to the edge, grab it, come back to the center of the platform, backtrack this lower part of the endurance test, and take a warp rapidly, which makes you fall at the speed of light in an unannounced location of the left drop, forcing you to make a high-speed diagonal.
This secret was more painful than my first breakup!
The pain of the stage continues. You come back to the second half of the second green screen, and there are 5 corridors in total that you must climb with these awful platforms. The fourth one that goes from right to left is a nightmare, as right in the middle there is a demonically possessed jump that resembles a nerfed A-jump (diagonal up and down), except the altitude of the platform makes everything more complicated, and the maneuvering required costed me 4 hours!!! Why???? And you know what caused me the first heart attack? I passed this jump and was more than prepared for the timing of the incredibly fast last platform at the top, but please, please be careful: you will notice that the leftmost block has a ledge you can stand on. Well, for no mf reason, this entire block kills you, even if you bonk at it from below. Why? I have no idea, but you must envision this seemingly harmless block as a death block from the previous blood diarrhea section. I screamed live and hit my desk. F*** this game.
Then you enter a blue area. The makers do not even know their primary colors and tossed away yellow instead; they all look godawful anyway. This screen is smurfs’ vomit. This screen has a bloody serious collision order issue that will screw you up in many unthinkable ways. Take the instance in which you first reach the right wall of the screen. On the second ledge, there’s a block that has a spike facing right exactly above you. If you land on the block, but your 11-pixel-wide hitbox is in contact with the spike, you die. This is Boshy logic and works horrendously. So there’s this part immediately after where you must fall within a 16 pixel gap but without stepping on the spike facing left. Repeat this same stupid bs for the penultimate jump immediately after: you’re on a block with a spike facing left and another one facing down right above you. Beginner-friendly stuff, it would seem, but no, because if you step a wee bit over the spike, you die! You cannot do a strat of standing on the edge of the block without touching the spike because you will touch the spike. A moronic maneuver is required for this, either cancelling, or emulating a 9 jump and get outta there. Finally, you see a small gap and you go, “that’s a 16-pixel gap; I have two frames of opportunity”. You don’t! haven’t you learned a thing? It’s actually 13 pixels wide, so regardless of the align you have, it’s frame perfect. This collision order also caused me a lot of troubles during the second part of the save, especially when you have to reach the lower right corner of the screen to activate a platform hiding in the shadows. The block above the spike on that corner can also be a killer block like the one in the previous screen simply because it has menopause bipolar issues. Who the hell knows? Oh, did I mention there is a jumpscare at the top of the screen?
The boss...................................................................
The boss...................
The following boss is the worst fangame boss I have ever faced, and the most stupidly boring, unfair, random, downright maddening nuthouse creation I ever challenged myself to beat. This boss took me to an extreme I never imagined feeling, very different from Catastrophe’s Gumi: there was a moment in which my lack of enjoyment of the boss transformed into sadness and extreme tedium. I even sweat from the forehead a bit because I really questioned myself: “Even if I’m streaming this with my friends, why in the holy fuckness of fucking fuck am I trying to beat this?” (I tried my hardest not to swear in the whole review; this boss just begged for it though). It was hopeless and monotonous. It was fucking horsehit!!
The boss is a giant cherry bouncing on all sides of the screen and has three phases corresponding to the colors you faced in the stage before (and in the proper order, at least). Each phase has only 5 hits with around 5 seconds of invincibility frames between each hit. Every time you hit it, two things happen: it can change its direction and its speed randomly, and new normal-sized cherries invade the screen: one new for the first phase, 2 for the second phase, and 3 for the third phase. There are platforms you can use to navigate through the screens.
Ok:
-The speed the main big cherry can take is 225 MPH, which is an instagib. It is humanly unreactable, and even if you’re Ao and manage to read it, you might be in the incorrect platform and make a bounce that annihilates you. Only the leftmost and rightmost platforms work.
-The screen gets saturated really fast.
-The big cherry can take a very horizontal path, so it will take forever to get down. Climbing to reach it? That’s a no if the screen gets too crowded.
-If you shoot one of the normal cherries, many things can happen: if it’s a red one, it gets bigger; if it’s a green one, it goes faster; if it’s a blue one, it multiplies by 3. So, at the ending, you’re guaranteed to have at least 30 bouncing cherries everywhere if all your shots were flawless and hit the main target correctly.
-The borders of the screens are death zones. This will kill you more times than you think.
-The fucking ending has a trap: when you kill the boss and grab the item, all cherries respawn exactly where they were left off. This is an instagib and will kill you.
-For the aforementioned point, you have zero to no control over where the cherries might end and the trajectories they maintained, so even if you know what will happen, you can be dead from the exact moment you grab the item. I had, in total, five post-blue phase attempts ruined.
-There is a final insult, for God’s sake: I mentioned that when you kill the main cherry, all cherries freeze, disappear and maintain their current location for being reactivated once you grab the item and hurry to the warp. Well, during this freezing time, they still have hitboxes, so you were also supposed to memorize the location of at least 30 cherries before you beat the boss and ensure you have a clean path to get to the center of the screen where the item is.
Suck my delicious fruits and my giant spike!!
When I progressed, I felt like someone suddenly stopped inserting a cactus up my ass, the great suffering stopped, I threw my chanclas against the closet located in my PC room, and celebrated life, being excited for a new stage coming ahead of me, even if I knew it was shit.
Fifth stage is much more chill and reminiscent of Device (remember Device, Diverse and Tempest are interconnected). It’s a scroller section where you must outrun the limits of the screen. Few traps in this one which has me shocked. Then you get to the ending and the game goes “I Wanna Be the Fangame!” mode with the darkness gimmick of only having a slim area of visibility and you moving within it. If you get past it, it’s death. It goes back and forth as many times as Argentina’s inflation: it is volatile, but keeps getting worse. Add traps for the maker’s amusement, and it’s torture once again. For getting the secret, you need to do a specific set of things so that a particular warp at the ending works.
The visual effect of the gimmick is nauseating even if it’s uncommon: the screen moves rapidly in the direction you’re facing. If you get caught by the limits of the screen, of course you’re dead. It’s a quick secret (with traps lel) that will leave you dizzier than the spinning teacups at your nearest amusement park, if any.
Then Tempest decides to copy paste IWBTG for the nth time, making a Mecha Dragon fight that also puts you in the ordeal of a long intro consisting in jumping across platforms. The boss functions kinda the same without the yellow devil teleportation gimmick, but your own bouncing can kill you and there are instances where the dragon opens its mouth and vomits delicious fruits, some at unreasonable speeds. For my two cents, this cannot be read. RNG can also get so bad that even if you could read it, you might find yourself jumping over a wall and just when you’re at the peak of your jump, the fastest cherry alive obliterates you. The final moments of the dragon also causes many circles of cherries possible to choke to for no rational reason at all.
The sixth stage (famous for K3) is final. This is the only one I can say it has something interesting going on as the first screen is a long vertical scroller... with traps. Visual design is better than all previous stages, but the music choice is so randomly annoying, and with restarting music, you want to punch the screen. There is an obsession with 16 pixel gaps that I cannot understand, and parts where you have to go through the blocks with spikes inside them (logic = 100), so you must figure out, blindly, what the hell you died to.
After passing this section, there is this funny transition to a chaos screen where you must travel upwards as quick as possible while hearing an exaggerated song, but be prepared (or not) for fake blocks preventing you from progress with many hopeless attempts to figure out the correct route of not being stopped.
The next screen is a huge room with ironically a huge portion of unused space and doesn’t have anything that even Maze wouldn’t do much, much better.
So, how to obtain the true ending? Assuming you got all Game Boys, you get warped to the main hub and you have to, very obviously duh (?), shoot all warps that took you to all stages, six in total. You must plan it because the deaths in the hub don’t make sense either (is there something logical about this piece anaconda excrement?). If you touch a spike, everything is reset and counts as a death, but if you fall or touch any of the borders, it doesn’t count as one. Very logical, bro! The final piercing in the d*** is that the warp you shoot last must obligatorily be the one at the top and do the equivalent of an F-jump but without changing direction: passing through the gate with a 5-frame jump is a must for then getting to the top where the final Game Boy appears.
There you go: True “Z” ending clear screen.
The “Z” must definitely stand for “zorra”, which means “b**ch”, which is what you were while the game had you captive.
F*** this game.
[14] Likes
Rating includes extra. Difficulty rating does not include extra (which remains unchanged).
100% “Z” clear.
People unfortunately get cancer, but fangames unfortunately get TEMPEST!
This putrid pile of AIDS-infected rhinoceros’ fecal matter is the virus to my corona, the devil to my religion, the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to my vintage AVGN, the Meet the Spartans to my Sátántangó, the Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code to my Joyce’s Ulysses, the Brokencyde to my Bach, and the M&M's Shell Shocked to my Ocarina of Time. It sucks harder than a vacuum, can cause PTSD and can be used as a tool for forced conversion therapy to suckness.
Absolutely everything is wrong with this humankind abomination, the one and only fangame that Ebert obviously played to not consider fangames “art”. This has to be.
Device / Diverse guy teams up with this other guy, make their homework separately under LSD influence (which can work wonders [I don’t do drugs; I’m speaking on behalf of specific film auteurs]) and vomit their hallucinations in the form of “stages”. Stage 1 is the obligated, mind-numbingly boring standard tilesets, generic traps and awful platforming. You’ll find anything new, except a woeful backtrack for getting to the first secret which involves a screen transition you must quickly react to, or you’re done.
Traps are unfair, and even when you know they’ll happen, they act at the speed of light. Previous knowledge doesn’t help a bit, especially when a platform rams your body against wall spikes at 225 MPH like a McLaren F1 LM. Some traps are cryptic, like take a route, and you’re wrong; take the other one, and you’re also wrong. The red arrows gimmick is annoying, especially when they are used also as traps having a huge size.
Dr. Mario boss is amusing but the fact it can be third-tried at worst makes it clear there is a huge difference between difficulty of bosses and platforming. Nothing appealing about this boss no matter how creative it wanted to come out.
Second stage is way worse: monochromatic metallic bs associated with the original IWBTG’s Mega-Man stage. Lots of dumb traps and “see if there’s an invisible block here”. Game gets you killed after really long saves and the location of the secret is unspeakably idiotic. Remember those walls of spikes that appear in the very first screen of IWBTG? They appear here, and in this God-forsaken save, you have to SHOOT them to make them disappear. Shoot walls of spikes. Yeah. I lost many minutes looking for fake blocks in that corridor needle and when I shot by mere accident, I was stunned at what I had done. There is also this forced red & black design which has a hellish tone to it and might have been ok-ish to explore it more. That’s a no. It’s a single screen with overtly precise triggers and save points in the middle of a fall. Why???
Now, the boss of this horrendous stage surpasses any capacity of my limited proficiency of the English language. You have this cherry in the middle, right? And there’s this gray block in which you have to be constantly on for not falling to your demise, as there’s nothing else in the screen. What to do? Jump on it like water 2 (which is freaking inconsistent for the life of me!!) and shoot it. The cherry also spawns six cherries around in set intervals. Every time you shoot at it, two big cherries go at you, which is fine because you keep moving all the time. All cool, right? No, goddamit, it’s totally not! It’s ten hits in total. Only ten, and sometimes, you can shoot it twice. But when you get to the fifth hit, now eight cherries spawn around, and they way they do so is specifically design to kill the player. The cherries occupy exactly the spot you’re in, and you cannot dodge them that easily because they go diagonally; if you jump ahead of the moving block, you’re still in the angle of the original trajectory, so screw you. If you jump back away from the block and come back to it, you don’t have enough speed to get back to it. Either way it’s game over. This boss took an absurd amount of time and it is so frustrating because it is extremely simple in design and idea, and yet they figured out the most bs way to incorporate it. The hell with this freaking boss!
Third stage, at least this will give us some variety not seen in previous stages and a new song, right? What, did you forget we’re talking about the worst fangame ever made, where Hamster! is a masterpiece compared to this? It’s default tilesets and the Mega-Man 2 theme once again. Now the gimmick is you never stop jumping and have to use your second jumps properly to land and avoid spikes in screens full of traps. You can kiss my banana sprite from Destination’s avoidance.
Then, for no reason, the film transitions to the worst copy of Kill the Guy’s inverted gravity ever, which seems to have a particular obsession with gate jumps. This stage is guaranteed to make you dizzy. The secret’s location is also very cryptic, but anyone familiar with Carnival’s Crimson will get the idea since the way it is obtained is quite uncanny. The boss is an easy first-try Bubble Bobble piece of Dodongo dung where attacks begin to get interesting by the time you kill the little mf dragon.
Fourth stage is the unholy mother of f*ckness and one of the worst experiences of my life. This fourth stage is the main cause of cancer in Japan and unfortunately spread to North America. You begin with a stage that looks like diarrhea with blood. It consists of a simple gimmick: all blocks in the room alternate between normal blocks and death blocks at a given rhythm, with some platforming being the unholiness of f***. The first screen only has spikes, the blocks appear in the second screen. With this logic, be extra careful with the second save of the first screen; it’s located right at the left of a block that begins as a death block when you hit R. This is a softlock, and I’m fairly tagging the game as such. It’s obvious, but also an easy miss if you’re under the stress of finishing the previous save and saving quickly. This is quite deep into the game, so softlocking here would be absolute pain.
Now, after this, you go with the green part of the stage. This is hell. Alighieri never envisioned something like this in all of his Circles of Hell. This green hell, more disturbing than Soylent Green (1973, watch that film) has the worst doable secret of all times: the green-spike-hell brown platform tourist ride. The number of problems with this secret is agonizingly high. Right at the first time you reach the top, the platform does not handle like it normally does in standard engines. Picture this: What do you do if there’s a sea of spikes beneath you and there’s a bunch of brown platforms ahead of you stuck in a ceiling? It’s smashing time, right? The platforms have this peculiar (and amusing) property. Not here, no uh. Here, the platforms can get you stuck in the ceiling, so if you ever think of smashing your character when the platform is at the top, it is literally you signing a contract for getting stuck on the ceiling. The maneuvering this section requires is dumbass. The entire stage, including this secret, has GB-like platforms (meaning that if you land on the platform exactly when it is over a spike in the same pixel, the collision prioritizes the spike instead of the platform). This screws up the entire freaking save. Even if you see a video of it, constructing the memory for knowing exactly at which points of the platform you have to stand for the numerous 16px spaces the platform will make you travel through is more agonizing than studying for a final test of Advanced Microeconomics (I know). Finally, when the platform reaches the end, it doesn’t take you to the 32X32 space where the Green Game Boy is, nooooooooo, it goes the opposite way on the previous block, so you have to stand on the very edge after many intricate jumps while taking care of NOT LANDING ON SPIKES EVEN IF YOU’RE ON THE F*CKING PLATFORM, go to the edge, grab it, come back to the center of the platform, backtrack this lower part of the endurance test, and take a warp rapidly, which makes you fall at the speed of light in an unannounced location of the left drop, forcing you to make a high-speed diagonal.
This secret was more painful than my first breakup!
The pain of the stage continues. You come back to the second half of the second green screen, and there are 5 corridors in total that you must climb with these awful platforms. The fourth one that goes from right to left is a nightmare, as right in the middle there is a demonically possessed jump that resembles a nerfed A-jump (diagonal up and down), except the altitude of the platform makes everything more complicated, and the maneuvering required costed me 4 hours!!! Why???? And you know what caused me the first heart attack? I passed this jump and was more than prepared for the timing of the incredibly fast last platform at the top, but please, please be careful: you will notice that the leftmost block has a ledge you can stand on. Well, for no mf reason, this entire block kills you, even if you bonk at it from below. Why? I have no idea, but you must envision this seemingly harmless block as a death block from the previous blood diarrhea section. I screamed live and hit my desk. F*** this game.
Then you enter a blue area. The makers do not even know their primary colors and tossed away yellow instead; they all look godawful anyway. This screen is smurfs’ vomit. This screen has a bloody serious collision order issue that will screw you up in many unthinkable ways. Take the instance in which you first reach the right wall of the screen. On the second ledge, there’s a block that has a spike facing right exactly above you. If you land on the block, but your 11-pixel-wide hitbox is in contact with the spike, you die. This is Boshy logic and works horrendously. So there’s this part immediately after where you must fall within a 16 pixel gap but without stepping on the spike facing left. Repeat this same stupid bs for the penultimate jump immediately after: you’re on a block with a spike facing left and another one facing down right above you. Beginner-friendly stuff, it would seem, but no, because if you step a wee bit over the spike, you die! You cannot do a strat of standing on the edge of the block without touching the spike because you will touch the spike. A moronic maneuver is required for this, either cancelling, or emulating a 9 jump and get outta there. Finally, you see a small gap and you go, “that’s a 16-pixel gap; I have two frames of opportunity”. You don’t! haven’t you learned a thing? It’s actually 13 pixels wide, so regardless of the align you have, it’s frame perfect. This collision order also caused me a lot of troubles during the second part of the save, especially when you have to reach the lower right corner of the screen to activate a platform hiding in the shadows. The block above the spike on that corner can also be a killer block like the one in the previous screen simply because it has menopause bipolar issues. Who the hell knows? Oh, did I mention there is a jumpscare at the top of the screen?
The boss...................................................................
The boss...................
The following boss is the worst fangame boss I have ever faced, and the most stupidly boring, unfair, random, downright maddening nuthouse creation I ever challenged myself to beat. This boss took me to an extreme I never imagined feeling, very different from Catastrophe’s Gumi: there was a moment in which my lack of enjoyment of the boss transformed into sadness and extreme tedium. I even sweat from the forehead a bit because I really questioned myself: “Even if I’m streaming this with my friends, why in the holy fuckness of fucking fuck am I trying to beat this?” (I tried my hardest not to swear in the whole review; this boss just begged for it though). It was hopeless and monotonous. It was fucking horsehit!!
The boss is a giant cherry bouncing on all sides of the screen and has three phases corresponding to the colors you faced in the stage before (and in the proper order, at least). Each phase has only 5 hits with around 5 seconds of invincibility frames between each hit. Every time you hit it, two things happen: it can change its direction and its speed randomly, and new normal-sized cherries invade the screen: one new for the first phase, 2 for the second phase, and 3 for the third phase. There are platforms you can use to navigate through the screens.
Ok:
-The speed the main big cherry can take is 225 MPH, which is an instagib. It is humanly unreactable, and even if you’re Ao and manage to read it, you might be in the incorrect platform and make a bounce that annihilates you. Only the leftmost and rightmost platforms work.
-The screen gets saturated really fast.
-The big cherry can take a very horizontal path, so it will take forever to get down. Climbing to reach it? That’s a no if the screen gets too crowded.
-If you shoot one of the normal cherries, many things can happen: if it’s a red one, it gets bigger; if it’s a green one, it goes faster; if it’s a blue one, it multiplies by 3. So, at the ending, you’re guaranteed to have at least 30 bouncing cherries everywhere if all your shots were flawless and hit the main target correctly.
-The borders of the screens are death zones. This will kill you more times than you think.
-The fucking ending has a trap: when you kill the boss and grab the item, all cherries respawn exactly where they were left off. This is an instagib and will kill you.
-For the aforementioned point, you have zero to no control over where the cherries might end and the trajectories they maintained, so even if you know what will happen, you can be dead from the exact moment you grab the item. I had, in total, five post-blue phase attempts ruined.
-There is a final insult, for God’s sake: I mentioned that when you kill the main cherry, all cherries freeze, disappear and maintain their current location for being reactivated once you grab the item and hurry to the warp. Well, during this freezing time, they still have hitboxes, so you were also supposed to memorize the location of at least 30 cherries before you beat the boss and ensure you have a clean path to get to the center of the screen where the item is.
Suck my delicious fruits and my giant spike!!
When I progressed, I felt like someone suddenly stopped inserting a cactus up my ass, the great suffering stopped, I threw my chanclas against the closet located in my PC room, and celebrated life, being excited for a new stage coming ahead of me, even if I knew it was shit.
Fifth stage is much more chill and reminiscent of Device (remember Device, Diverse and Tempest are interconnected). It’s a scroller section where you must outrun the limits of the screen. Few traps in this one which has me shocked. Then you get to the ending and the game goes “I Wanna Be the Fangame!” mode with the darkness gimmick of only having a slim area of visibility and you moving within it. If you get past it, it’s death. It goes back and forth as many times as Argentina’s inflation: it is volatile, but keeps getting worse. Add traps for the maker’s amusement, and it’s torture once again. For getting the secret, you need to do a specific set of things so that a particular warp at the ending works.
The visual effect of the gimmick is nauseating even if it’s uncommon: the screen moves rapidly in the direction you’re facing. If you get caught by the limits of the screen, of course you’re dead. It’s a quick secret (with traps lel) that will leave you dizzier than the spinning teacups at your nearest amusement park, if any.
Then Tempest decides to copy paste IWBTG for the nth time, making a Mecha Dragon fight that also puts you in the ordeal of a long intro consisting in jumping across platforms. The boss functions kinda the same without the yellow devil teleportation gimmick, but your own bouncing can kill you and there are instances where the dragon opens its mouth and vomits delicious fruits, some at unreasonable speeds. For my two cents, this cannot be read. RNG can also get so bad that even if you could read it, you might find yourself jumping over a wall and just when you’re at the peak of your jump, the fastest cherry alive obliterates you. The final moments of the dragon also causes many circles of cherries possible to choke to for no rational reason at all.
The sixth stage (famous for K3) is final. This is the only one I can say it has something interesting going on as the first screen is a long vertical scroller... with traps. Visual design is better than all previous stages, but the music choice is so randomly annoying, and with restarting music, you want to punch the screen. There is an obsession with 16 pixel gaps that I cannot understand, and parts where you have to go through the blocks with spikes inside them (logic = 100), so you must figure out, blindly, what the hell you died to.
After passing this section, there is this funny transition to a chaos screen where you must travel upwards as quick as possible while hearing an exaggerated song, but be prepared (or not) for fake blocks preventing you from progress with many hopeless attempts to figure out the correct route of not being stopped.
The next screen is a huge room with ironically a huge portion of unused space and doesn’t have anything that even Maze wouldn’t do much, much better.
So, how to obtain the true ending? Assuming you got all Game Boys, you get warped to the main hub and you have to, very obviously duh (?), shoot all warps that took you to all stages, six in total. You must plan it because the deaths in the hub don’t make sense either (is there something logical about this piece anaconda excrement?). If you touch a spike, everything is reset and counts as a death, but if you fall or touch any of the borders, it doesn’t count as one. Very logical, bro! The final piercing in the d*** is that the warp you shoot last must obligatorily be the one at the top and do the equivalent of an F-jump but without changing direction: passing through the gate with a 5-frame jump is a must for then getting to the top where the final Game Boy appears.
There you go: True “Z” ending clear screen.
The “Z” must definitely stand for “zorra”, which means “b**ch”, which is what you were while the game had you captive.
F*** this game.
Rating: 0.1 1
Difficulty: 87 87
Oct 27, 2023
MooMooArmageddon
For: I wanna be the Battler
For: I wanna be the Battler
a boss rush with not-so-good bosses.
it also seems unfinished too...
it also seems unfinished too...
Tagged as: Boss
unfinished
[0] Likes
Rating: 5.5 55
Difficulty: 29 29
Oct 27, 2023