xva's Profile
Send a PMJoined on: Jan 20, 2023
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i hate fangames
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247 Ratings!
247 Reviews!
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247 Reviews
xva
For: I Wanna Dance With Circles Of Death
For: I Wanna Dance With Circles Of Death
the borderline uncontrollable floating part is completely luck-based and ruins the whole avoidance. it would be a great avoidance without that garbage in it. didn't clear because of this
[0] Likes
Rating: 5.5 55
Difficulty: 68 68
Oct 1, 2023
xva
For: I wanna be the Engine Miniwa v2
For: I wanna be the Engine Miniwa v2
decompiled the engine expecting epic porn instead i got epic disappointment
Tagged as: Engine
[4] Likes
Rating: N/A
Difficulty: N/A
Sep 29, 2023
xva
For: I wanna be the Nervous
For: I wanna be the Nervous
a bad adventure game with unbalanced bosses, unbalanced needle, dumb gimmicks and annoying traps everywhere.
this game's bosses are the worst I've ever had to sit through. I would write a more in-depth review, but this game doesn't even feel like it deserves an in-depth review
[1] Like
this game's bosses are the worst I've ever had to sit through. I would write a more in-depth review, but this game doesn't even feel like it deserves an in-depth review
Rating: 1.8 18
Difficulty: 63 63
Sep 28, 2023
xva
For: I wanna be the DARK BLAZE
For: I wanna be the DARK BLAZE
femboy on clear screen
[0] Likes
Rating: 7.0 70
Difficulty: 46 46
Sep 24, 2023
xva
For: I Wanna Break The Series Z
For: I Wanna Break The Series Z
this is the worst fangame I have ever played in my 7 years of playing fangames. this might actually be the worst videogame I've ever played, period. I'll explain all my reasons as to why this game has a rating this low.
Z1 is a ripoff of what I thought was the worst medley game ever created - K1. turns out, I was very wrong. Z1 is somehow even worse than K1. a very unspecific way to call this game bad is to call it messy, ugly, awkward or hardly playtested. a more specific way to call this game bad is as follows:
the first actual screen with any gameplay is the most annoying screen from GGM. it's not hard or anything, it's just a time waster. this game's screen transitions are some of the worst I've ever seen, as many times you'll find yourself dying instantly on the next screen. this immediately happens in Don't Touch The Block. also, why is there a missing frame in the kid's animation when turning around?
in stage 2 CTB2, the background, spikes and blocks are wrong. NCE has two added traps that I don't see the point of other than to waste your time.
in stage 3, take the time machine's spinny things have an anchor point set to the wrong location, making the whole ring move slightly as it spins. don't wanna be the gay is RNG cancer and truly a pointless inclusion. be myself has an eye-straining tileset and a weird green line section at the end which is strange. for a screen called heaven trap, it sure as hell doesn't have that many traps. heady has a bunch of weird gimmicks with badly-made color-clashing sprites.
in stage 4, mechanical carries about 80% of the difficulty, a backtrack with traps isn't exactly fun or easy. explorer in this stage of the game is like a gold bar in a sea of diarrhea, because you just can't ruin this game. immediately after, we're back to the sea of diarrhea with blood festival, instagib traps aren't fun. however, device's traps are kinda interesting though. KTG is easily the worst platforming screen in the entire game. this many dropgates in a row is basically needle RNG. yet, the final dropgate is buffed, and there's 4 more gate jumps on a moving platform after the initial dropgates.
in stage 5, big man is a big mistake, as it's practically just one jump repeated a bunch - a fucking diagonal. GB's traps are gone and replaced with a few instagibs and a creative trap or two. but hey, at least the platform clipping bug is fixed, by moving the fucking platform like four pixels up. break the three makers has a very ugly tileset. lovetrap has one of the first save exploits I believe, however, these become very common, as I believe this game was made in 1200 BC, before save blockers or common sense were invented. in archfoe, you skip half the screen with savejumps. avoid the easy spike and map 2 look practically identical and I didn't even realize were 2 different screens until writing this review. after this is a VVVVVV sequence that plays horribly for some unknown reason. it just doesn't feel as fluid and good as it does in other games. maybe because the squares have two different speeds and can only come in random patterns.
stage 6 begins with a jumpscare, as you will immediately die when you enter it, making you think you have to do the entire previous boss. this almost caused me to quit the game altogether, as there was no way in hell I was gonna rebeat that tremendous trainwreck that I beat just before getting to this screen. I enjoyed seven trials though, probably because I'm a huge fan of short hard saves (i.e. Hades-likes). LTO was fun except the 5th save which was very awkward. this has nothing to do with the review but, I first tried the entirety of the brute of a man screen and felt amazing. back to business - catastrophe doesn't even have its ice physics or any of its iconic traps. test my control's 3rd save carries about 50% of the difficulty of stage 6. hope you like numpad cancels though. king is very bad, as its physics make no sense and the vines just kinda throw you around regardless of what directional key you hold or press. you can skip half the vines on the last part of the screen. also king has a pointless backtrack.. thing? its not really a backtrack, the warp just changes its location by a whopping 5 blocks. GR is really egregious with its savejumping, as you can skip well over half the screen like this.
as you can see, there are many uninteresting/boring screen choices that barely function or don't function at all throughout the whole game. however, this game's biggest issue is the bosses.
stage 1 boss is awkward due to the discovery of autofire, I didn't find many issues with it other than bad execution (i.e. sticky keys disappearing into thin air).
stage 2 boss has a bunch of strange attacks that make no sense, such as Phoenix Wright's weird orb things. yet again, nothing concretely wrong other than bad execution.
stage 3 boss has another anchor point rotation issue, as pac man moves on his own. the first 2 homing attacks, yeah, keep them in mind, as pdplayer is gonna recycle the code for these about a hundred more times. another common thing with this game is recycled code, we'll be seeing more examples of this eventually.
stage 4 boss is the worst bossfight I've ever seen. not a single part of this fight works properly or makes any sense. I can't believe the sheer illogicalness of this entire experience. the background is distracting, the lightning clouds that come down sometimes light the blocks below you, sometimes they don't. the lightning kills you, sometimes it doesn't. some of the lightning clouds don't even strike, and they just hover above you doing nothing at all. I'm fairly certain that guy's stars have some sort of hitbox issue, as I've been killed by them when I'm well away from them. the spinning shuriken part only makes sense if you count every spin, and move right on the 11th spin. you could try running back and forward, but the shurikens randomly catch you when you're turning around. the first 2 shurikens go until 11 spins, the 3rd one goes immediately after the 2nd. 4th goes at 11, 5th goes at 4, 6th goes at 4. ?????????? the portal thing that shoots the platforms you use to get up to the top of the screen in the next phase, yeah, if you touch the side of those platforms, you get locked in place. you can also fall through them, get stuck, and die. also the shurikens are back, because they are so fun. don't get me wrong, I know how they work, they all spin for a certain amount of time, it's just that it's a dumb gimmick. near the end of the fight, those ceiling guys (who I still don't know the name of) have a chance to spawn right above you and practically instagib you. this bossfight is what truly made me despise this game and everything it's worth.
stage 5 boss is the 2nd worst bossfight in this game, and in extension probably in every fangame. the background is annoying, probably the intention but it still bothers me. there's an arrows attack with weird hitboxes. sometimes jumping off the platform after the gameboy disappears causes your double jump to disappear randomly. the only genuine difficulty in this fight are these homing things. they use recycled code to home towards you. these have no "destroy when offscreen" event, so you'll constantly get killed by them appearing below you. the best way to counter this design flaw is to pay attention to how many go below you/offscreen. after the homing attack, maybe I'm just astronomically unlucky but, the platforms that you're supposed to jump on in the next part didn't appear low enough for me to jump on them. this happened 3 out of 5 times I got to this part. for the final phase, only thing I'd change is the red bacon looking things that explode should be more visible. other than that, just jump while going left and right and nothing will hit you.
stage 6 boss just feels weird like any other boss in this game. nothing concretely wrong with it other than some bad transitions but, at this point I don't even care. it brought me slight enjoyment, unlike everything else in this game.
the final boss is basically taking some of the worst parts of every boss so far and combining it all into one final shitstorm you have to overcome. I say overcome, not beat, as it felt more like I was overcoming it than beating it. there's a badly made, forced geezer sequence which gets easier towards the end, unlike any other geezer sequence. after overcoming this final challenge, you will have the honor of completing the worst fangame ever created.
if you have made it this far, thank you for reading this review. do not recommend, whatsoever.
I think Z3 put it very well: "Run away, In Somewhere deep".
[2] Likes
Z1 is a ripoff of what I thought was the worst medley game ever created - K1. turns out, I was very wrong. Z1 is somehow even worse than K1. a very unspecific way to call this game bad is to call it messy, ugly, awkward or hardly playtested. a more specific way to call this game bad is as follows:
the first actual screen with any gameplay is the most annoying screen from GGM. it's not hard or anything, it's just a time waster. this game's screen transitions are some of the worst I've ever seen, as many times you'll find yourself dying instantly on the next screen. this immediately happens in Don't Touch The Block. also, why is there a missing frame in the kid's animation when turning around?
in stage 2 CTB2, the background, spikes and blocks are wrong. NCE has two added traps that I don't see the point of other than to waste your time.
in stage 3, take the time machine's spinny things have an anchor point set to the wrong location, making the whole ring move slightly as it spins. don't wanna be the gay is RNG cancer and truly a pointless inclusion. be myself has an eye-straining tileset and a weird green line section at the end which is strange. for a screen called heaven trap, it sure as hell doesn't have that many traps. heady has a bunch of weird gimmicks with badly-made color-clashing sprites.
in stage 4, mechanical carries about 80% of the difficulty, a backtrack with traps isn't exactly fun or easy. explorer in this stage of the game is like a gold bar in a sea of diarrhea, because you just can't ruin this game. immediately after, we're back to the sea of diarrhea with blood festival, instagib traps aren't fun. however, device's traps are kinda interesting though. KTG is easily the worst platforming screen in the entire game. this many dropgates in a row is basically needle RNG. yet, the final dropgate is buffed, and there's 4 more gate jumps on a moving platform after the initial dropgates.
in stage 5, big man is a big mistake, as it's practically just one jump repeated a bunch - a fucking diagonal. GB's traps are gone and replaced with a few instagibs and a creative trap or two. but hey, at least the platform clipping bug is fixed, by moving the fucking platform like four pixels up. break the three makers has a very ugly tileset. lovetrap has one of the first save exploits I believe, however, these become very common, as I believe this game was made in 1200 BC, before save blockers or common sense were invented. in archfoe, you skip half the screen with savejumps. avoid the easy spike and map 2 look practically identical and I didn't even realize were 2 different screens until writing this review. after this is a VVVVVV sequence that plays horribly for some unknown reason. it just doesn't feel as fluid and good as it does in other games. maybe because the squares have two different speeds and can only come in random patterns.
stage 6 begins with a jumpscare, as you will immediately die when you enter it, making you think you have to do the entire previous boss. this almost caused me to quit the game altogether, as there was no way in hell I was gonna rebeat that tremendous trainwreck that I beat just before getting to this screen. I enjoyed seven trials though, probably because I'm a huge fan of short hard saves (i.e. Hades-likes). LTO was fun except the 5th save which was very awkward. this has nothing to do with the review but, I first tried the entirety of the brute of a man screen and felt amazing. back to business - catastrophe doesn't even have its ice physics or any of its iconic traps. test my control's 3rd save carries about 50% of the difficulty of stage 6. hope you like numpad cancels though. king is very bad, as its physics make no sense and the vines just kinda throw you around regardless of what directional key you hold or press. you can skip half the vines on the last part of the screen. also king has a pointless backtrack.. thing? its not really a backtrack, the warp just changes its location by a whopping 5 blocks. GR is really egregious with its savejumping, as you can skip well over half the screen like this.
as you can see, there are many uninteresting/boring screen choices that barely function or don't function at all throughout the whole game. however, this game's biggest issue is the bosses.
stage 1 boss is awkward due to the discovery of autofire, I didn't find many issues with it other than bad execution (i.e. sticky keys disappearing into thin air).
stage 2 boss has a bunch of strange attacks that make no sense, such as Phoenix Wright's weird orb things. yet again, nothing concretely wrong other than bad execution.
stage 3 boss has another anchor point rotation issue, as pac man moves on his own. the first 2 homing attacks, yeah, keep them in mind, as pdplayer is gonna recycle the code for these about a hundred more times. another common thing with this game is recycled code, we'll be seeing more examples of this eventually.
stage 4 boss is the worst bossfight I've ever seen. not a single part of this fight works properly or makes any sense. I can't believe the sheer illogicalness of this entire experience. the background is distracting, the lightning clouds that come down sometimes light the blocks below you, sometimes they don't. the lightning kills you, sometimes it doesn't. some of the lightning clouds don't even strike, and they just hover above you doing nothing at all. I'm fairly certain that guy's stars have some sort of hitbox issue, as I've been killed by them when I'm well away from them. the spinning shuriken part only makes sense if you count every spin, and move right on the 11th spin. you could try running back and forward, but the shurikens randomly catch you when you're turning around. the first 2 shurikens go until 11 spins, the 3rd one goes immediately after the 2nd. 4th goes at 11, 5th goes at 4, 6th goes at 4. ?????????? the portal thing that shoots the platforms you use to get up to the top of the screen in the next phase, yeah, if you touch the side of those platforms, you get locked in place. you can also fall through them, get stuck, and die. also the shurikens are back, because they are so fun. don't get me wrong, I know how they work, they all spin for a certain amount of time, it's just that it's a dumb gimmick. near the end of the fight, those ceiling guys (who I still don't know the name of) have a chance to spawn right above you and practically instagib you. this bossfight is what truly made me despise this game and everything it's worth.
stage 5 boss is the 2nd worst bossfight in this game, and in extension probably in every fangame. the background is annoying, probably the intention but it still bothers me. there's an arrows attack with weird hitboxes. sometimes jumping off the platform after the gameboy disappears causes your double jump to disappear randomly. the only genuine difficulty in this fight are these homing things. they use recycled code to home towards you. these have no "destroy when offscreen" event, so you'll constantly get killed by them appearing below you. the best way to counter this design flaw is to pay attention to how many go below you/offscreen. after the homing attack, maybe I'm just astronomically unlucky but, the platforms that you're supposed to jump on in the next part didn't appear low enough for me to jump on them. this happened 3 out of 5 times I got to this part. for the final phase, only thing I'd change is the red bacon looking things that explode should be more visible. other than that, just jump while going left and right and nothing will hit you.
stage 6 boss just feels weird like any other boss in this game. nothing concretely wrong with it other than some bad transitions but, at this point I don't even care. it brought me slight enjoyment, unlike everything else in this game.
the final boss is basically taking some of the worst parts of every boss so far and combining it all into one final shitstorm you have to overcome. I say overcome, not beat, as it felt more like I was overcoming it than beating it. there's a badly made, forced geezer sequence which gets easier towards the end, unlike any other geezer sequence. after overcoming this final challenge, you will have the honor of completing the worst fangame ever created.
if you have made it this far, thank you for reading this review. do not recommend, whatsoever.
I think Z3 put it very well: "Run away, In Somewhere deep".
Rating: 0.3 3
Difficulty: 63 63
Sep 14, 2023
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